I thought I would heal quick I usually do and most of my life I have bounced back after minor illnesses and I suppose that 60 years of pretty good health is a great run! For several years I had felt pretty worn out I just thought it was old age and slowing down! In the end after lots of visits to the doctors so many blood test and the most obtrusive of inspections after being ill for about three years it was diagnosed as an Anal fissure (will leave you to Google it) in the end it burst and left a hole in my anal passage which put me in a bad way and which would not heal, without surgery. It was a terrible time my body was being poisoned every day . It gave a new meaning “to a real pain in the arse” It was a world of many daily baths up to 4 or 5 a day showers and incredible pain. I was glad that I live on my own as this was a personal journey where you are on your own no one can help and you at times live in the toilet and your bed. I was worried on each operation had a risk that I may become incontinent a real fear. These are really private times and if you do not watch they can be long periods of self-doubt. I have had so many friends offer help but little can be given it is a journey that you have to do on your own and maybe after over a year I am now improving.
Since November 2014 I have had three operations in Aberdeen the first was also a double operation that dealt with a hernia and they put a drainage Seton in place in my fissure. As you can imagine this is not an easy thing to cope with and the last 8 months have been pretty hard going. It is also very uncomfortable and an hourly hygiene worry! I have really struggled with the constant pain and for weeks at a time I could do little. I found it very hard going and the pain was incredibly intense no matter what pain killers I was on. Weeks were spent house bound with no energy and it is easy to have a mental problem as I was more or less house bound for most of the winter. I could not travel at times and Christmas was awful at home l could not manage a long journey then. It was a lengthy undertaking of penicillin and painkillers and I was worn out. In addition my Psoriasis flared up badly and I was lucky to have got treatment twice a week for 3 months. I had little sleep up in the small hours and averaging 2 hours a night. I was in hospital when the plane crashed in the Alps killing hundreds I was waiting for an operation. I was in the waiting room for 3 hours as there was no bed available . It was wall to wall news all the time to me it was wall to wall horror as I suffered from PTSD after Lockerbie and I was asked by the Press several times that day for my comments (if you play with devil you at times have to sing their tune) , They weree quickly on for me to give my thoughts but declined it was too much like my own nightmare and had lots of bad nights after that. Some memories will never go and drugs do not help! The few nights away from home would be a huge undertaking yet I managed a few as the house was my safety blanket. Few could understand the need to be near the toilet and the nightly visits and lack of sleep..I still managed to walk most days, not far, but enough to feed a tiny bit of my love for the wild places. I had taken on a few lectures and had to let down Arran Mrt in November a sad time as I could hardly drive. Luckily I managed the two-hour lecture at Findhorn in February though I was ill for a week after it. I also managed a few walks and even a short climb with patient pals on local cliffs and loved being out on the cliffs, each was an adventure. I managed also a few hills really exhausted after as I and still am on penicillin daily. A month ago I managed a visit to the Grand kids near Reading a 600 mile journey in the car but made it, it was a great week. After that I was down in Ayr for my sisters Golden Wedding anniversary another 250 mile trip, so I am feeling better but need lots of rest. Last week I managed my first two Munros on the West Coast in 9 months in awful weather but what a joy to be out again in the mist and rain.
After 9 months I feel a lot better and stronger, yet still have limited energy and sleep a bit better; most of the pain is gone and now pray that my next operation tomorrow is the last!
If not it will be another hard journey. Thanks for all the support and kindness.
We will see what happens wish me well?