Thinking of my Mum – 40 years on.

This is always a hard week as every year at this time as the years go by its still the same today as it was when my Mum passed away.  This is the anniversary of my Mum’s passing she died in 1980 I still miss her every day, she was as all Mum’s are a special lady.  As you get older and wiser you appreciate her more and more. She raised 5 children washed cooked and looked after us, how she managed is incredible.  She was also the minister’s wife and worked so hard for the Church throughout her life which was never easy. These were the days when she was at the beck and call of not only her family but a needy church.  As the youngest of 5 children I was spoiled in every way, always in a scrape or trouble and being a Ministers son a bit of a rebel. Mum died of Leukaemia and right up to end told my sisters to keep it from us and even though I phoned her every week she still spoke as though all was well. I was at RAF Valley in North Wales in a relationship and with my job as full – time Deputy Mountain Rescue Team leader she thought I had enough on. It was only on her last few days I was told to get home as Mum was dying. It was a huge shock to me to see this lady so frail and yet not a moan though she was in great pain. It was a sad few days.     

My Mum was always there for me and we had a great bond through her love and care! She loved her family, their kids, the church, the mountains, football the tennis and dedicated her life to her family her grandchildren and as always the church. Money was really tight but we never wanted for love and she brought us all up almost single handed as Dad pursued his life as a minister. In these days he visited most of his congregation at night and we hardly saw him. During my wild years my Mum saw something in me as Mum’s do and as I grew up we got a lot closer! When I went and joined the RAF she loved that I was in Mountain Rescue though she worried about me daily as only Mum’s can do! We spoke every week on the phone as most of my leave was spent chasing mountains I was a rare visitor home!

All these years on I can never get these times back and like many regret my selfishness but that can be what happens when you work so far from home.  I wonder how many who read this sadly feel the same? At least you can do something about it.

https://heavywhalley.files.wordpress.com/2018/11/1936-my-mum-xxx.jpg
My Mum – sadly I never got her looks!

I rushed home on the train arriving in the early morning and walked with my dog from Kilmarnock to Ayr money was tight. I was shocked poor Mum was so frail and yet every week on the phone she never said a thing or complained and just listened to me and gave me advice. Poor Mum I later found out was in terrible pain for a long time but never moaned, she was incredible during these last few months. She told me to get my brother back from Bermuda and then she died shortly after he arrived home. We got some special time only two days together near the end and she was so upset she told me that she had little to leave us a monetary sense. Yet she had given us a lifetime of love and care and that is what matters. In this modern life I despair at times when I families ripped apart after a loved ones death over money and possessions. To me love, care and kindness is the greatest gift ever that parents can bestow on their kids.

The next few short days were awful and I think I was programmed to seeing so many tragedies in the mountains that it took me years to realise what had happened. Even at the funeral I was like a robot and had to rush back to work next day to North Wales. How I miss her and wish I could have done more for her and when in trouble or down she is still always still there for me!

Sadly it took me many years to grieve for her.

She was such a beautiful person in every aspect who loved us all yet had time to guide and be there for us. I shared so many secrets with her over my life and she was always there to listen when I needed! How she would have loved to see her grandchildren and their kids now. I would have loved her to have met all the great Grandchildren and Lexi and Ellie Skye and shared their lives! I also hope I got some of her good points I got the love flowers from my Mum so every few weeks I buy some or pick them and they always remind me of her. I have her deep love of the wild places and still feel her with me when out and about, sadly what would she have made of today’s world, I wonder?

She loved her tennis and would have been so proud of Andy Murray getting fit again and his brother in the tennis world and I believe she watches them in heaven and is praying for Andy to get well. I have had a few near misses in life in the mountains and I am sure she was there with me giving me that extra drive and push to get out of a situation. She told me how much she worried about this all-consuming aspect of my life.

Mum loved the Mountains and wild places.

Please give your Mum and Dad a hug or a visit or a call we all owe them so much they make us who we are. Mum I miss you as we all do thanks for being there for me. I am off to get some flowers for the house and for my friend Wendy, she reminds me so much of you every way.

Last year was incredible I wish I could have told her about my trip to America and the meeting of so many kind folk. So many reminded me of my mum one 81 year old who had lost her daughter 30 years ago in the Lockerbie Tragedy was so like my Mum. She radiated love and care and had no bad words to say despite what the world had thrown at her and her family, She spoke to us all and  gave us all a hug and I had a cry I am sure my Mum saw it and was happy for us.

Yet every year I miss her more and those I have lost including my two sister Jenifer and Eleanor who I lost this year. As you get older you think a lot more I suppose you have time it’s always worth looking after them every time you see them. Always make time for each other and learn and love form those we owe so much to.  

Last Sunday in the Church that Mum and Dad loved in Ayr there are two plaques on the wall dedicated to both my Mum and Dad. Flowers were placed this year in memory of them both and I was sent a photo it was a lovely thought.

Flowers in the Church in Ayr in memory of Mum and Dad.

Thanks Mum XXX

About heavywhalley.MBE

After dinner speaker Lecturer and Mountain Rescue Specialist. Environmentalist. Spent 37 years with RAF Mountain Rescue and 3 years with a civilian Team . Still an active Mountaineer and loves the wild places.
This entry was posted in Aircraft incidents, Family, Friends, Mountaineering, People, Well being. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Thinking of my Mum – 40 years on.

  1. Jeanette Bryan says:

    What a lovely piece you have written. You are a very special man and there is no doubt your Mum will be looking down on you with great pride. We all have that feeling we should have done more for our parents, I myself have many regrets. Stay safe in those beautiful hills. I am certain their are many loved ones looking down on you thanking you for all the dedication and compassion you have shown to so many families on the searches you have been involved in for their loved ones. The Bryan family and Celine hold you dear in our hearts.

    Liked by 1 person

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