Mother’s Day

Mothers Day

I always think about my Mum even more so just now. A few days ago was the day of Women who Inspire my Mum is without doubt the lady I was always inspired by her.

It has been many years since I lost my Mother, she died of Leukaemia an awful disease which she kept away from most of the family, she did not want to worry us. That was typical of her and off her generation. It was only at the end I was told she was very ill. I was at RAF Valley in North Wales in a job as full time Mountain Rescue Deputy Team Leader and was living with my partner and her young daughter.

As we all are at that time in life I was caught up with my career, I was selfish in my life and very driven. I had always phoned Mum every week but she never told me she was ill until the last few days of her life when I was summoned home. I was shocked when I was called home as she was dying and to see her so frail and yet so strong in mind and still very beautiful.

My life in Mountain Rescue had led me to see many tragedies close up and be unaffected by them. I think I never really felt the effect of this great loss at the time as I was hardened by what I had seen in the mountains. It is a terrible thing to admit that I seemed to cut myself off at the time from the hurt and pain of her death.

Even when I had to go back home straight to work after the funeral to North Wales and my partner and friend’s tried to console me I was very hard to deal with.

I think it was my way, to man up and not show the hurt I felt. I did get a few days to talk to my Mum at the end, we had a few chats even though she was very ill and I told her about my life in Wales, my new love and plans. She said as long as I was happy so was she.

Mum was the finest person I have ever met, she was so caring. She gave me along with my Dad a great chance in life and my love for the outdoors. She was the one who dealt with the five children a huge Manse the poor wages and a big house to heat and look after. The love we had been incredible and the adventures we had were life enduring. Long days on the hills, in Arran, Galloway and the Highlands a love of sport and she was an avid Ayr United fan both home and away! She loved the tennis and how she would have loved to see Andy Murray in his prime. She would have been so proud of Andy Murray and his brother in the tennis world and I believe she watches them in heaven.

She did not have long with the grandchildren but they were her joy, how she would love to see how they have all done in life. Money was always tight in a big family she would give away her last penny.

My Dad was a minister old style he visited his people the needy, the sick and the dying every night, we rarely saw him. Mum brought us all up and the work she did for the Church was incredible. At the end Mum was very upset that she felt that she could leave us nothing in the way of material possessions but she gave us all so many life skills I can never repay her.

These last few days were very special and I will never forget carrying her to the bathroom and helping her near the end. She was so frail but so clear in what she said to me. To her I was still the “wild child” of the family but she looked after me and was always there for me.

To m is such a loss in my life I feel it and still miss her and my Dad. It was such a pity as we all progressed in life we could have made her life so much better for them but it was not to be but what a legacy they gave us all.

Nowadays I worry as all many children are interested in is the financial legacy they may inherit and Mum and Dad are packed off to an Old Folk’s home and left. We have so much to learn about looking after out elderly folk maybe Covid will make us all rethink how we respect and look after our loved ones.

I also got my love flowers and got that from my Mum so every few weeks I buy some or pick them and they always remind me of her. I have her deep love of the wild places and still feel her with me when out and about, what would she have made of today’s world, I wonder?

Today is a special day but our parents are special always. My advice is never put off for another day what you can do today in showing your appreciation for them, they are not here forever

Treat every day as Mother’s Day and tell them you love them. This year there will be many who cannot visit our Mums yet those who can we must speak to them and use technology for those far way to be with them. Many of us who are lucky enough to have Mothers that are still about and with us.

I was speaking to a friend who was at a funeral recently where a son had fallen out with his mother and he had not spoken to her for over a year she died suddenly. How tragic is that?

As I write I am so glad to have had such a lovely Mother and feel very proud of her and wish she was still with me. When I am in trouble she is always there for me. How she would have loved to see how we all are, I am sure she does.

Love your Mum every day.

About heavywhalley.MBE

Mountain Rescue Specialist. Environmentalist. Spent 37 years with RAF Mountain Rescue and 3 years with a civilian Team . Still an active Mountaineer when body slows, loves the wild places.
This entry was posted in Family, Friends, Health, Mountaineering, People, PTSD, Well being. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Mother’s Day

  1. Robin Banks says:

    Interesting post about Mothers Day. Everything’s connected.

    I was with my Mum on 26th of September 2019. I noticed her two front teeth had fallen out and were lying at the back of her tongue. She’d been sedated and unconscious for a good few days and remained unconscious. I knew She wasn’t coming out and I was there with kettle, tea bags and milk. I wasn’t leaving my Mum, because She would never have left me. Like your mother, mine never told anyone She was terminal, but I knew.
    I called a nurse, because it’s a natural reaction to swallow and Her mouth would have been dry, having spent so long open. I didn’t want Her to choke on Her teeth. When the nurse placed her fingers in my Mums mouth, She instinctively clamped shut and trapped the poor nurses fingers. I tried talking to my Mum and asking Her to open Her mouth, but She was out of it. The poor nurse was in pain so I prised my Mums jaws apart. It was horrible!
    Her eyes opened wide and I’ll never forget the look of shock and fear in Her eyes. The nurse left and I just held and kissed my Mum, constantly thanking Her for the life She gave my sister and I and for all the
    Love She always gave. Like yourself, I was wild and my Mum never gave up on me. I held Her and Kissed Her and told Her how much I Loved Her then She went into the death throws and She was gone. My dad and sister had nicked out to get a bite to eat and we’re devastated. It was about 1700hrs and my dad wanted to stay until the doctor came. I explained that Mum was no longer a priority and the doctors may not come for hours. ( it was about 0100 / 0200hrs before they did ).
    I told my dad to drive home before it got dark, because he’s blinded by headlights coming towards him.
    My biggest fear is the look in my Mums eyes and just hope that Her last thoughts weren’t that the person who Loved Her the most, killed Her. There was no saving Her, but if I hadn’t prised Her jaws apart, She would never have woken up. She didn’t die peacefully with the dignity She deserved. That will haunt me for the rest of my life.
    Like you, I grew up in a big house and money was tight. In the winter, if my Mum or sister had a party to go to there would be no money for new outfits, so my Mum would make the most beautiful clothes out of old table cloths and curtains.
    When my dad and sister left, I kissed my Mum. Sat down and poured a cup of tea. Rolled a bone. Kissed Her again then sat down and wrote this.

    Unconditional Love

    I can never express
    How much You mean to me
    Or see things the way
    That You could see
    The Goodness in everyone
    You always found
    And let them know
    Without a sound

    A very Strong Woman
    Without a doubt
    I can vouch for that
    After many a clout
    Always in the background
    You’d come to the fore
    If someone wronged someone
    They’d hear Your roar

    You took table cloths and curtains
    Turned them into fashion
    Possessed Knowledge and Wisdom
    Empathy and Compassion
    There Really was nothing
    That You couldn’t do
    It’s humanities loss
    This world without You x

    Love and miss You Mum x

    There are so many similarities between your childhood and mine.
    You talk of your partner you were living with in Wales when your mother was ill. Was / is her name Suzanne and we’re you both together in 1967 and did you stay in the Manse, 48 Waterside, Irvine?
    I won’t say any more, because I don’t know if it’s only you that can read this or if it’s open for everyone to view? I hope not. Quite personal hat thought about my mother.

    Liked by 1 person

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